Grey Sky Now
I’m in a perpetual state of “out of sorts.” Nothing feels quite right lately. Spring isn’t spring enough; the Diet Coke isn’t as refreshing as it should be; the thought processes are duller than usual; and on. Em is as perceptive as they come and has undoubtedly picked up on this. He has been extra loving lately and that is a comfort. He’s quick with a hug and kiss and the “Hey, Daddy Watch this…” The kid can always make me smile. We had all four windows down as we drove home from daycare late yesterday. The wind rushed in at us from all sides churning up floor litter, blowing my hair into my eyes. Em had both hands behind his head, his chin upturned to greet the wind, and wore a look of pure contentment as work and daycare faded into the landscape behind us. With his eyes closed and his arms up, he calmly told me, “Go faster, Daddy!” And so I did.
This morning on our way back in, the Kinks Victoria came on Lightning 100. Em let me know “I like dat song, Daddy. Sing dat song and turn it up.” And so I did. It gives me such pleasure to see him enjoy something. And the privilege of being his audience when he sees or hears something for the first time is heavenly. I remember holding him when he touched his first leaf on the Bradford Pear tree in our front yard; I remember holding him tight as we stood outside in the rain, both of us looking straight up letting it dot our faces; I remember before he was walking, he sat with me on the front porch during a thunderstorm. When that first slow roll of thunder came in and he started clapping his hands and smiling, I knew we were in it together for the long haul. There is no kind of day that a good thunderstorm can’t make better.
And my mood will pass. It most always does. It is not Emerson’s burden to cheer me up or make me smile or even be aware of this funk. It is my responsibility to do those things for him. And for myself. But Em is acutely aware of his surroundings and the mechanics of those who love him. He is sharp and innately good. I’ll take every hug and kiss the kid will give, but I’m always careful to return them tenfold.
There is a grey sky now and the rain is coming down hard. Thunderstorms are in the forecast tonight.
And tomorrow.
This morning on our way back in, the Kinks Victoria came on Lightning 100. Em let me know “I like dat song, Daddy. Sing dat song and turn it up.” And so I did. It gives me such pleasure to see him enjoy something. And the privilege of being his audience when he sees or hears something for the first time is heavenly. I remember holding him when he touched his first leaf on the Bradford Pear tree in our front yard; I remember holding him tight as we stood outside in the rain, both of us looking straight up letting it dot our faces; I remember before he was walking, he sat with me on the front porch during a thunderstorm. When that first slow roll of thunder came in and he started clapping his hands and smiling, I knew we were in it together for the long haul. There is no kind of day that a good thunderstorm can’t make better.
And my mood will pass. It most always does. It is not Emerson’s burden to cheer me up or make me smile or even be aware of this funk. It is my responsibility to do those things for him. And for myself. But Em is acutely aware of his surroundings and the mechanics of those who love him. He is sharp and innately good. I’ll take every hug and kiss the kid will give, but I’m always careful to return them tenfold.
There is a grey sky now and the rain is coming down hard. Thunderstorms are in the forecast tonight.
And tomorrow.
posted by Ryan at 2:12 PM
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